WHY EVERYONE SHOULD MOVE TO WYOMING

Last night, around 9, I started to feel like I was dosing off. Either because of my new schedule, or the snooze-a-thon that was the Bulls - Hawks game. Then I remembered the Lakers game was starting. As a fan, I felt I was obligated to watch as my keeping up with the sports world has slipped a little this week between a new job and March Madness. After three overtimes and nearly four hours later at 1:15AM, I could rest easy after another Laker win. I also had the added comfort of being lulled to sleep by the girl next door screaming out for her daddy. My initial thought, aside from wondering if the girl next door was just working for her tip, was how this would have never happened if I was back home. It's an age old debate whether watching sports on Pacific Time or Eastern Time is better. Both have their pros and cons. In the East, you get to sleep in a little later during football season. You listen to Mike & Mike in the morning live rather than on your Ipod. Best of all, you can be at a late night bar  and watch a live game rather than the third repeat of SportsCenter's top ten. On the downside, half the games most nights don't end until the wee hours of the morning. Pushing that a little further, you never even see the games that don't even start by the time people are going to bed making way for the dreaded "East Coast Bias." In the West, games starting early can either be bad or good. If you're like me, you wake up early and the word hangover is not viable in your vocabulary, so rolling over and turning on a TV that already has games on is great. For others, they have no idea what College Gameday is, or what Lee Corso looks like. Turning on the TV at 11AM to see your beloved Carolina Panthers already in a 24 - 3 hole is demoralizing. Still, being able to go to bed at night at a reasonable hour and know the outcome of every game is the best. You could argue that the general sports fan in the West is more knowledgeable than those in the East because they see every games outcome, and watch SportsCenter 1000 times before going to bed. While Mike & Mike is great, waking up to Colin Cowherd is an acceptable substitute. In the end, I suppose it ll really comes down to if you're an early or late riser. Although when God created DVR on the eighth day and in turn brought world peace, anywhere you choose to live can be justified with a click of the big red button on your remote. My solution: Wyoming. A tranquil environment where games don't start too early or end too late. Together, soon to be and already middle aged, overweight men can build a sports town akin to the Roman Empire at the height of its powers. Replacing 2.3 kids with 2.3 DVR's per household is just the beginning. You have a man cave in your basement? Well here in Utopia, our entire house is a man cave. We even have TV's underneath the toilet seat lid so you never miss any of the action. Since we live in Wyoming where there are no pro teams, we get all the best games on basic cable freeing up our sports packages for the losers that have to see the end of that Panthers game because being down 10 points in the fourth quarter is the closest they've been in 7 weeks. So who's it going to be? All it takes is one to start the trend. Only then will all of our viewership problems be solved. Of course, this is all based on you being okay with being lulled to sleep by a girl next door screaming daddy on a nightly basis.